23:I[3004,["/_next/static/chunks/0h2qsuyze9ds1.js","/_next/static/chunks/1ymt1shyhmu-4.js","/_next/static/chunks/291ciwmgtp_xc.js","/_next/static/chunks/2owa30hnifmhr.js","/_next/static/chunks/3-jqhyvw3d7y0.js","/_next/static/chunks/21h5qhhcg7tzz.js","/_next/static/chunks/3euacrioc5_13.js","/_next/static/chunks/03wn0-bzh3abk.js","/_next/static/chunks/3h6uqn9kl0thz.js"],"EmailPreview"] 26:I[27201,["/_next/static/chunks/0h2qsuyze9ds1.js","/_next/static/chunks/1ymt1shyhmu-4.js","/_next/static/chunks/291ciwmgtp_xc.js","/_next/static/chunks/2owa30hnifmhr.js"],"IconMark"] 24:Tc1cb,

Losing passion .

As a kid, I loved experimenting with the different art supplies I found in my mom's craft room. I'd secretly hide in the attic with a sketch pad and whatever I had found, smearing pastels into prancing horses, watercoloring petals and feathers and rain. It was so fun to see how each medium worked. In hindsight, I don't think I was so secretive about it, but these moments taken for myself, expressing and playing, are memories I revisit often, and they've kept my passion for making art alive through the years.

When I came back to art as an adult, along with it came a strange weight: everything started teetering, pass-or-fail, on how the final piece turned out. The finished thing was the point: it connects us with others, it (hopefully) provides money for survival.

I started overplanning pieces before I let myself begin, anxious about wasting good supplies if I screwed up. I stuck to the mediums and styles I already knew I could pull off well. And when I did share something I'd completed, other people's reactions became more important than how I felt about it.

I didn't notice how insidious this fixation on the finished piece was. I was making less and less. The stranger ideas and loud colors I was gravitating towards in my mind never made it to paper because I couldn't guarantee they'd turn out the way I wanted, and I didn't know how people would react. I was losing my passion for something I had instinctively done since I was a child, and I didn't know why or how to change it.

Then I picked up Your Brain on Art by Susan Magsamen and Ivy Ross, and found myself nodding along as it talked about what I knew to be true. Most notably, the benefit of making art—the actual measurable good it does for us—isn't in a finished piece. It's in the act of making.

With it laid out so clearly in front of me, my whole relationship to my practice changed. The flow, the joy, the expressing — it all lives in the doing. Not in the final product. By the time it's finished, so is my relationship with it. And it becomes surprisingly easy to release it into the world, to let other people have their own relationship with it.

We’ve talked before about non-attachment—usually as a way to make peace with loss, with things ending. But I've found it works when pointed at the things I make, too. Non-attachment of the final result gifts me a non-judgmental and playfully curious headspace to create freely and passionately.

Which is exactly what the me who was that kid in the attic knew before anyone taught her to worry about the result. She wasn't making horses out of pastels for clout or to judge her skill, she was making them because smearing the color around felt good.

I'm still working on keeping the process the main point, and I have further to go. I haven't fully tapped into being as weird and free as I want, and I haven’t touched the bigger concepts I'd love to tackle. But I am experimenting again, judgment-free and joyfully with color pairings and mediums I’ve always wanted to try. I recently even tried free-handing lettering; it came out wonky as heck, and it was so much fun to make.

JOIN THE CONVERSATION →

Here’s to getting wonky,

Carrie
Creative Director, Holstee

THE FLOURISHING LIFE BY HOLSTEE

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25:T1440,[HOLSTEE] [Losing passion](https://community.holstee.com/c/reflections-emails/losing-passion)[.](https://community.holstee.com/c/reflections-emails/losing-passion) As a kid, I loved experimenting with the different art supplies I found in my mom's craft room. I'd secretly hide in the attic with a sketch pad and whatever I had found, smearing pastels into prancing horses, watercoloring petals and feathers and rain. It was so fun to see how each medium worked. In hindsight, I don't think I was so secretive about it, but these moments taken for myself, expressing and playing, are memories I revisit often, and they've kept my passion for making art alive through the years. When I came back to art as an adult, along with it came a strange weight: everything started teetering, pass-or-fail, on how the final piece turned out. The finished thing was the point: it connects us with others, it (hopefully) provides money for survival. I started overplanning pieces before I let myself begin, anxious about wasting good supplies if I screwed up. I stuck to the mediums and styles I already knew I could pull off well. And when I did share something I'd completed, other people's reactions became more important than how I felt about it. I didn't notice how insidious this fixation on the finished piece was. I was making less and less. The stranger ideas and loud colors I was gravitating towards in my mind never made it to paper because I couldn't guarantee they'd turn out the way I wanted, and I didn't know how people would react. I was losing my passion for something I had instinctively done since I was a child, and I didn't know why or how to change it. Then I picked up Your Brain on Art by Susan Magsamen and Ivy Ross, and found myself nodding along as it talked about what I knew to be true. Most notably, the benefit of making art—the actual measurable good it does for us—isn't in a finished piece. It's in the act of making. With it laid out so clearly in front of me, my whole relationship to my practice changed. The flow, the joy, the expressing — it all lives in the doing. Not in the final product. By the time it's finished, so is my relationship with it. And it becomes surprisingly easy to release it into the world, to let other people have their own relationship with it. We’ve talked before about [non-attachment](https://community.holstee.com/c/simplicity/sections/240201/lessons/893307)—usually as a way to make peace with loss, with things ending. But I've found it works when pointed at the things I make, too. Non-attachment of the final result gifts me a non-judgmental and playfully curious headspace to create freely and passionately. Which is exactly what the me who was that kid in the attic knew before anyone taught her to worry about the result. She wasn't making horses out of pastels for clout or to judge her skill, she was making them because smearing the color around felt good. I'm still working on keeping the process the main point, and I have further to go. I haven't fully tapped into being as weird and free as I want, and I haven’t touched the bigger concepts I'd love to tackle. But I am experimenting again, judgment-free and joyfully with color pairings and mediums I’ve always wanted to try. I recently even tried free-handing lettering; it came out wonky as heck, and it was so much fun to make. [JOIN THE CONVERSATION →](https://community.holstee.com/c/reflections-emails/losing-passion) Here’s to getting wonky, Carrie Creative Director, [Holstee](https://www.holstee.com/) THE FLOURISHING LIFE BY HOLSTEE Join us in exploring what it means to live a flourishing life. Get unlimited access to monthly lessons, reflection prompts, community gatherings, curated resources, and more—all designed to help you live with greater meaning and intention. ✨ Includes Reflection.app Premium and 20% off all items in the Holstee Shop! [JOIN THE FLOURISHING LIFE →](https://www.holstee.com/pages/membership) 🤗 Enjoy reading this Reflection? Forward it to a friend. 💌 This email is one in a series of Reflections. Through the series, we share bite-sized stories and learnings from our own journeys to live a more meaningful life. [Sign up for 30 days of our favorite Reflections →](https://www.holstee.com/reflections) [Custom](https://www.facebook.com/holstee) [Custom](http://instagram.com/holstee) [Custom](https://www.tiktok.com/@holstee1) [Custom](https://www.pinterest.com/holstee) [Custom](https://www.youtube.com/user/holsteeTV) [Custom](https://www.linkedin.com/company/holstee) We hope our emails bring a dose of reflection and inspiration to your day. 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